Conversely, some birth parents prefer to have little interaction with adoptive parents and put the pregnancy and adoption behind them. Regardless, having an understanding of the birth parents and the situation your adoptive child is coming from will help provide you with insight and preparedness to create a loving home environment.
Adoption is a life-changing experience that can have an incredible impact on everyone involved in the process. Not only can it benefit the adoptive parents who have often tried for years to add to their families, but also the birth parents and most importantly, the adopted child. If this turns positive, it’s a freaking baby Jesus, I said to my husband as I had just finished peeing on a pregnancy test I knew would be negative.
He was standing outside the door holding our precious newborn baby girl we just brought home from Utah through adoption. I’d been vomiting for two weeks but thought nothing of it because it was just a bug that was hanging around a little longer than normal. I’ll never forget vomiting the morning I took the pregnancy test and instantly wanted fried chicken. This was when it hit me that this stomach bug might not be a stomach bug after all. I can’t blame myself for not thinking much of it.
I was severely sleep-deprived from spending six weeks in a NICU with our teeny 32 weaker. That also happened to be 1600 miles away from my four-year-old and two-year-old. Let Me Take You Back before our lives took a major plot twist. My husband, who also happened to be my very first boyfriend, and I had two beautiful biological children, but our hearts knew our family wasn’t complete. We prayed continuously to expand our family.
We were extremely nervous about having another child. I had placenta abruption with our healthy son, but he was preterm. We knew that adoption was in both of our hearts and felt like it was assigned to move forward with expanding our family through adoption. No sooner than we were active with our consultants, we were matched with a baby girl due in late June. Little did we know at the time, our Goldie girl had other plans.
She decided she couldn’t wait to meet her precious first Mama and us. Goldie May came bursting into the world almost ten weeks early. In April 2017. Our worlds were rocked. We flew across the country, formed an amazing relationship with her first Mama, and prayed that our tiny girl would grow healthy and strong.
We spent six long weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit while our two older kiddos were at home across the country. Georgia, our oldest daughter, was four, and Griffin, our only son, was two. My husband stayed in Utah as long as he could but ended up flying back home to be with the kiddos and returned to work. I flew back and forth a few times and was blessed enough to have my mom, Goldie’s Honey, come and stay with us for a long weekend. Six exhausting weeks of watching our girl grow and fight and we were able to bring her home.
I was so thankful that the roller coaster of emotion was coming to a close. Or so I thought. Now we’re caught up. Enter Sam, my loving, supportive, amazing husband, cuddling our sweet newborn outside of a bathroom door that I was behind. One stick turned positive and a different kind of vomit happened.
Word vomit. Oh crap. I guess I said it loud enough for Sam to hear me because he opened the door and asked to look at the test. He then started reading the box, saying aloud, no, I don’t think two lines mean positive. He handed me two other tests, which both immediately turned positive lines, if I remember correctly, I’m pretty sure I threw the last test at him in hysterics.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I did both. We looked at each other and then at our tiny newborn was asleep in his arms. He put his hands on our baby, in his arms, and then on the baby that was growing inside me. We cried, and then we laughed some more. The emotional roller coaster had just taken a sharp right and we were tracking up a steep, steep slope.
I remember my newborn baby girl sleeping on my chest, laying skin-to-skin at just seven weeks old. While I was experiencing morning sickness. I remember holding my belly knowing a seven-week-old baby was growing inside me while I held a seven-week-old baby on the outside of me. I had moments of extreme guilt. I was sad that I was taking the baby status away from Goldie so quickly.
I was heartbroken for my friends who experienced years of infertility and failed matches through adoption. I thought, Why me? So, so many times? I cuddled and loved on Goldie every single day and soaked in the nine months of her being the only baby. Miraculously, I carried our newest baby girl to 39 weeks.
I’d never carried a baby that long before. I didn’t know how it would feel when I saw our plot twist for the first time. I’d created a beautiful bond with Goldie and was scared that I wouldn’t be able to bond with the new baby as easily. Then out she came like the gorgeous Ray of Sunshine she still is today my Gwyneth. Reese, I’m not even kidding you when I say that this baby smiled for the first time at two weeks old, we brought home Winnie to be welcomed by our four-year-old, two-year-old, and nine-month-old.
I wish I could accurately express how I felt at that moment. The moment I saw my four babies together, I was breathless. I can’t believe we almost missed this, this true, unbelievable miracle. I’m just so thankful God’s plans are far better than my own. Everything I had feared when pregnant immediately vanished.
Goldie was and still is, our baby of the family. We refer to them both as babies. Goldie and Gwyneth are now 18 months old and nine months old. They have the most amazing, beautiful bond. Some days are extremely tough.
Double the diapers, double the crying, double the midnight feedings. I specifically remember the day my husband went back to work. Can you all believe he left me at home alone with all four? I remember Gwynnie wanting to breastfeed and Goldie was ready for a snack. I had no idea what to do or how to balance them both.
I strapped Gwyneth in the ring sling, whipped out my boob, and prayed my milk wouldn’t drown her while she nursed in the sling. For the first time, I strapped Goldie into the high chair, fed her a snack, and epically failed at doing both. Gwyneth screamed and Goldie just wanted Mama. I felt like the biggest failure. Like, how do moms of multiples do this?
But the next day I tried again. It went a little smoother. Adoption Might be the Biggest Decision You Ever Make If you’re considering adoption, you didn’t plan on being here. An unexpected pregnancy is one of life’s most disruptive surprises. Regardless of your situation.
As you mull over your unplanned pregnancy options, you might be looking for a sign a clear, obvious signal that says, yes, adoption is right for you. We’ve got good news and bad news. First, the bad news for most people, it doesn’t drop a giant flashing sign with a clear answer about adoption. Every situation is unique, which means only you can know what will be best for you. But here’s the good news.
There are smaller signs in life as you contemplate this decision that can guide you one way or the other. In the end, you still have to make the call. Adoption is an excellent choice for anyone who is inherently warm, caring, loving, and beyond the trappings of color, race, religion, caste, or Creed. At times, we may not be consciously aware of this, but events like adoption bring out our best. Concerning the above, conventionally adoption has been associated with childlessness, such as the fallacy of a continued parent-centric approach that adoption becomes relevant when parents do not or cannot have children.
Never is the focus on the child. If we think of the child, then adoption is the only recourse available for each child put into that situation. And just like plants need sunlight and water to grow, Children just need love and security offered by a family. And anybody can offer love. Therefore, adoption is a good choice for everyone, Provided we liberate ourselves from the shackles of ignorance, myths, and fears around adoption.
However, a lot of preparation is needed before even a loving and caring person can choose to adopt. By the end of that first week by myself, I felt like I could nurse in a sling and hand out baby puffs to an entire tribe. But amid the utter chaos, I found myself well, there may be double the diapers, double the spit up, and double the crying. There is also double the love. The pure joy and peace these babies bring me is something I can’t even bring into words.
I can’t believe I ever wondered why me. Because I’m certain that my heart was made to be a Mama to the most amazing little humans I’ve ever met. And two of them just happen to be almost twins. Foster parents must be at least 21 years old, pass background clearances, and be in good physical health. Our most successful foster parents are open-minded, dependable, patient, and willing to try different parenting styles for children with different needs.
It’s very rewarding to help a family reunite or children go to their forever homes. You get to see those children succeed and move on and know that it was in part because of your help. You get to see families rebuilt and know that you are part of that. When families do not reunite and children go for adoption, we know that at the very least, you help the child prepare for it. Honestly, there’s no better feeling to know than that you helped a child.
Remember that foster children are not taken from the bosoms of happy homes. They’re taken from impossible situations and are given a place to live. Make them feel welcome with you. Make them feel as if they would be in your home if they were not being compensated. Remember, they are young people with a lot of baggage.